I have coached hundreds of people in the 18 years that I have been qualified. What I have discovered is that people inherently want to be their best selves at work. They want to deliver excellent results, they want to be proud of their work. They are motivated to achieve great results. Unfortunately, many wish to be perfect! They are on the hamster wheel of believing that they are not good enough unless they achieve perfect results each time. And if they are not striving for perfection, then often their bosses may be holding that illusive 'precision delusion'.

What does this internal and external pressure do to employees? When one is exposed to a seemingly threatening or fear-inducing stimulus, information about that stimulus is immediately sent to the amygdala, which then send signals to areas of the brain like the hypothalamus, to trigger a "fight-or-flight". Simply put it processes our fears.

For example, if we feel under threat because our work is not deemed flawless, we are catapulted into a fear response. This can lead us to spend countless numbers of hours researching and rechecking our work to ensure that it is perfect. I have coached so many people, especially women, who stay up until the wee hours of the night, aiming to live up to these unrealistic expectations, to turn out these works of art. Only to have that work criticized for not being up to scratch.

When our body is under this state of threat, it prepares us to 'fight or flee' the scene. Hence, our muscles tense up, the oxygen is diverted to these muscles, not to our brain. Stress hormones, including cortisol are released, which can wear down our brain's ability to function properly. So instead of turning out a well thought out piece of work, one is more likely to make mistakes, which in turn get criticized, creating more fear, shame, blame, feelings of inadequacy, less focus, more chance of mistakes and so the cycle repeats. This in turn creates a self -fulfilling prophecy, where we tell ourselves that we are not good enough, we fear that we will make a mistake and will be criticized. So instead of being able to be our best selves, we are delivering from a place of reduced capacity, which in turn knocks our self-confidence, activates self-doubt and can lead to procrastination, overwork and stress-related illness.
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The antidote to this irrational belief that we have to be perfect, which is not the same as striving for excellence, is accepting ourselves; knowing that we are good enough and we are doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And if what we’ve got is not enough, then instead of telling ourselves that we are not enough, then caring enough about ourselves to take a litmus test of how we are holding up. This involves us discovering where our fuel tanks are low, which energy robbers have been depleting our energy levels and then filling up our fuel tanks, before setting off once more on the ‘achievement cycle’. (This antidote to be explored in a further blog).

I would prefer to see myself and others from this genre, as actually being authentic, original and courageous; with the willingness to stand up for what we believe. We risk ‘not fitting in’, often for the sake of challenging the status quo, even in the face of being viewed in this negative light. Not fitting in feels like not belonging. According to Brene Brown-“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are”.

For me, that means that when I feel deeply about certain things that are important to me, that I am not afraid to share those feeling or thoughts. It means that I am willing to rock the boat, rather than remain quiet, for the sake of keeping the peace. It is not a peaceful state of affairs if I bite my tongue and swallow my words. I do believe though, that not everyone is ready to hear my contrary view. Perhaps they feel like I am making them ‘wrong’, whilst trying to make myself ‘right’. Challenging their power, authority and status. That is not my intention.

What positive change can occur if everyone remains agreeable to statements, decisions or practices that are made by those in authority, even when they are so obviously not ones that are beneficial for those that are expected to conform?

Have you noticed that some people are very open to hear your voice, however, those are often individuals with a strong sense of self -esteem, who are not afraid of ‘not being liked.’ They understand that just because someone has a dissenting voice, it does not lower their significance, likeability or worth.
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It is often the same few people who speak out in meetings, or at family or social gatherings? I believe that it is important to hear all the voices in the room, not just the loud ones, the rebels, the articulate or knowledgeable ones, nor just the voice of the power- hungry individuals who appear to hang onto that command with a vice- like grip. Funnily enough, it is often the quieter folk, the observers of life, of business, or relationship dynamics, of society, who have incredibly powerful insights to bring to the party.
 
 
As non-conformists, we do not have to rock every boat, each time we have a different view though. Here is where discernment comes into play.

As a non-conformist, one may need to consider the following five points
before expressing our voice of dissent-

1. Our manner- The WAY in which we challenge needs to be thoughtful and respectful
2. Ask clarifying questions- To ascertain how their statement or decision was reached, before we disagree, challenge or offer an alternative perspective!
3. Consider our timing- And the mood of the person, who may be in authority, prior to opening our mouths!
4. Preserve our energy wisely- As perhaps it is a day where the demands outweigh our resources and it’s just not worth the energy it will take!
5. Weigh up the risks- Choose to stay quiet, when history dictates, that the risk of being publicly humiliated or ripped apart by the authority figure, is far too high, and we just do not have the personal resilience to handle the venomous outpouring, if we did question this person?!!